In 2004, Donna McAleer, a West Point graduate and former Army Officer, became the coach of the Park City (Utah) High School sophomore girls’ volleyball team. At the team’s first practice, many players showed up wearing spaghetti-strap midriff tank tops, jewelry and skate-inspired tennis shoes. McAleer immediately instituted a strict dress code – no butts, breasts or bellies.
When McAleer realized that the girls not only wanted to dress like the celebrity images they saw in magazines and on TV, but also wanted to “be” like them, she knew she had to do more. “These young women [were] searching for role models [and] weren’t looking beyond what the media sells us,” McAleer explains. ” I felt that if my team could learn about some of the courageous, strong women that I served with, perhaps they would consider pursuing comparable paths of excellence.” The result: “Porcelain on Steel: Women of West Point’s Long Gray Line,” a collection of biographies about ordinary women with extraordinary stories.
Each Of Us Has An Extraordinary Story
While I’m looking forward to reading McAleer’s book, I believe that each of us has a story to tell that someone else would consider extraordinary. We tend to negate our courage and strength of character during stressful and challenging times because we’re so aware of our humanity and the feelings of doubt that also occur during those stressful and challenging times. But if we continued on through the difficult times, putting one foot in front of the other despite the self doubts, isn’t that an indicator of courage and strength and an inspiration to others?
Comparison As Self-sabotage
Sometimes we self-sabotage our belief in our value as role models by searching for that someone who did something “bigger” and more dramatic, thereby minimizing our accomplishment. For instance something more dramatic might be found in the stories of the women of West Point on The Long Gray Line. But then the comparison question becomes which of their stories is more dramatic than the other?
The Need For Role Models
While writing her book McAleer learned that, according to research by Dr. Penelope Lockwood, women need role models more than men do, and women benefit more than men do from having same-gender examples of success. That’s why it’s particularly important for women to recognize their accomplishments and share their stories. It will also diminish the need to find role models among celebrities.
A Sampler of Ordinary Women With Extraordinary Stories
There’s Lori Latimer , a paralegal in family law, whose marriage ended at the age of 47. Less than three years later, on her own, Lori started a business where she helps newly single women find their purpose and create lives full of passion, bliss and brilliance. You can meet Lori on her website, read her blog and sign-up for a free audio interview “Newly Single & Sensational: 7 Surefire Ways to Revamp Your Social Life NOW! In other words, she’s rolling and accomplishing something extraordinary. But like the rest of us she can find doing something new scary; at times paralyzing. Some nights Lori can’t sleep as she tosses and turns with doubts and fears she never even knew she had. She’s a balance of ordinary and extraordinary.
There’s Susan who chose, in the early 1980′s, to be an activist for people diagnosed with AIDS. She volunteered to help the men who developed Kaposi’s sarcoma and other terminal diseases that developed as a result of their AIDS-compromised immune systems. She held the hands of those early victims, providing them with much-needed human contact when others were too afraid they might “catch” the disease. What she did and still does for men, women, boys and girls diagnosed with AIDS is extraordinary. But like the rest of us, she also is very ordinary – a sister who picked on her little brother, ratted him out when he broke the garage window and hardly kept in touch with him once she left home - until she learned he was dying of AIDS. Even then there were times she wanted to run away, times she was mad at him and times she was afraid. She’s also a balance of ordinary and extraordinary.
There’s Marta who came to the United States 8 years ago from Ecuador. Since that time she has not seen her 3 children but she knows because of the money she sends home from her job in a factory that their bellies are full and they can go to school. This is an extraordinary act by a mother for her children. But like the rest of us when she lived with her children sometimes she yelled at them when she shouldn’t have; sometimes she was too critical and strict, other times too lax. She also questions whether she took the easy way out by leaving her children with her sister. She feels it is her sister that has done the extraordinary thing.
I think all these ordinary women did extraordinary things based on the circumstances of their lives. I think all of them are role models of what is possible.
What’s your extraordinarily ordinary story? I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.
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Cherry,
Thank you for the acknowledgement and your writing on the importance of strong women role models.
There are lots of ordinary people with extraordinary stories. Someone needs to share and tell those stories. Thank you for doing just that.
Best,
Donna
Donna,
You’re welcome.
Only two more days until your book is out. Congratulations on completing it and getting it published. And thanks to you too for sharing ordinary women’s stories.
Cherry
This is such a great reminder of the heroine in all of us– when we run toward risk instead of away from it. To be extraordinary is to go beyond the ordinary, that means behond what’s ordinary to us. It’s challenge and change that forces us to step out of our comfort zone. We decide whether that step will be memorable or not.
Each time we stand up for something we believe in or for someone who is being wronged, we are being extraordinary. Fighting for fairness is a strong marker.
I remember multiple occasions when I knew employees were being unfairly treated at raise time and confronted the situation. Even if what we try to do only affects one person, it’s worth doing and it define us.
Thanks, Cherry, for moving us and the discussion once again.
~Dawn
Dawn,
Thanks for your response and, especially for following through with the courage it took to stand up for employees you knew were being unfairly treated.
We need more Dawn Lennon’s in the world (I know that’s a little scary too :) ). You are one of my role models, Cherry
Beautiful and touching post Cherry. I wonder if you would get more stories of ordinary women doing extraordinary things if you asked for us to share a story of a woman who has impressed us. Women tend to underestimate their own achievements but have no difficulty noting the greatness in others. Just a thought. Thanks again for your insightful work.
Thanks for visiting and responding again Sharon. I think you’re right that we are more willing to tell other’s stories than our own. I thought about asking for other’s stories but then didn’t do it.
So now I’ll push you – what’s something you have done that took courage and strength in stressful and challenging situations. My bet is you have many of those stories.
Cherry
Cherry, I love how you are bringing women’s issues to the forefront of our attention. It’s been my experience that young women definitely need different role models from the ones many of them currently follow.
In my own life, two “ordinary” women come to mind readily: my grandmother and an older friend of mine who is the senior organist at my church. My grandmother became a widow while still in her 20′s. She went back to college, my father in tow, to earn a degree so she could teach and support herself and her son. That was in the 1920′s, so it was quite unusual for that era (flappers notwithstanding). She taught high school until she was 65 and was a role model for many young women along the way. She then went to Florida by herself and taught 6th grade until she was 70, after which she went on a trip around the world that lasted almost a year. She continued to travel, paint and volunteer until she died at 97.
Our organist, who is 75, raised 5 children while working full time plus her part time job as organist/choir director. She is one of the strongest women I know and “keeps on rockin’” (and not in a chair either). Her energy would put many younger women to shame. She would laugh at the notion that she is a role model, while saying “You just do what you have to do.”
Mary,
Amazing stories from ordinary people. Thanks for sharing them.
I think a common theme among both women and men is that “You just do what you have to do” which is why they don’t see their achievements as special. But to the person looking at them and what they did, their acts are inspirational and serve as role models. Cherry
Cherry: Thanks so much for including me in your post! I am truly honored.
I’ve heard people say that western women will be the ones to make the big changes that are needed in our world. I’m proud to be part of the women, along with you, who are making that change.
Hugs,
Lori