There was a controversy in the media last week when Anysha Panesar, from Wales, won America’s Perfect Teen competition.
“She’s not American.” — True enough
I’m willing to bet she’s also not perfect.
Who’s Perfect?
No one is. So to tout a contest that is selecting The Perfect Teenager is the antithesis of promoting:
- self-acceptance based on your own standards
- the recognition that mistakes and failure are normal and an opportunity for learning
- risk-taking because, hey, you might not be perfect
To me (and my friend Jill) the media should be questioning the concept of the pageant, perfectionism, rather than spending time on the superficial question of how could a non-American win the Perfect American Teen Contest – even though the rules allow international contestants. If it had been named the Perfect International Teen Contest would the media be discussing the larger issue of damaging our kids by leading them to believe they can be or should be perfect?
The Perils Of Perfectionism
I can still feel sad over the things I did not try in my life because I was afraid I wouldn’t be perfect and therefore look dumb; or be embarrassed, feel like a personal failure and hide in my room for the next two years.
Getting older has its benefits, and one of them is understanding and accepting (most of the time that is) that what I do won’t be perfect. I can write a blog for the world to see because I accept that it won’t be perfect. I also now know that the definitions of what constitutes a perfect blog (or perfect anything) would be widely variable, depending on who you asked. I can say happily my blog is good enough – sometimes gooder than others.
And what about my decades old business? It wouldn’t win a Perfect Business Contest. Should I then not be in business? Hope not because I love what I do and it works for me without harming the world. Granted, on dark days I can still tell myself the story written by my perfectionist critic, that because I’m not perfect I should give up and quit.
Should I not do yoga because I’ll never be as good as Iyengar or even the person next to me on the mat? I am practicing yoga to improve but if I think about perfection or comparison, I’ll stop practicing.
I know I’m not alone in this type of thinking. So let’s end the contests and looking for the perfect teenager, or perfect person, or blog, or business. It’s not attainable. Be willing to rewrite the story you tell yourself based on what’s real, and what’s kind.
Fact of the matter is I’m good enough. And so are you.
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
Good for you (and for your friend Jill…oh yeah, that’s me!) for recognizing the inherent flaws in a Perfect Anything Contest. The easiest way I know to fail is to aim for perfection. Unattainable standards are just that – Unattainable. And even those rare moments of PP (Perceived Perfection), are not sustainable – tomorrow’s another day, and it’ll be a while before I have another PP moment!
So focusing on what’s attainable and sustainable feels doable. I’ll settle for good enough, with moments of spectacular thrown in for good measure. Perfection? No thanks, it’s just not for me.
Your imperfect, yet stunning friend, Jill.
You’re definitely stunning – it’s all the interesting imperfections that make you so unique. Hugs, Cherry
You may think you’re not perfect Cherry, but your timing sure is perfect! Thanks–really.
You are welcome Pam. Glad this post could help you, it did me too. Cherry
I had always been bothered by perfectionism, and it kept me from doing simple things like doing dishes because my kitchen will never be perfect. Then I read, (I don’t know who to give credit to) anything worth doing is worth doing incorrectly until you learn how to do it correctly. That paradigm shift changed my life and and I know that you are changing peoples lives by encouraging self acceptance. Thank you, Cherry!
I’m with Pam, Cherry! Your timing IS perfect, especially based on my latest post…I need to stop striving for perfection. I detest all those contests, pageants, Miss America and all that jazz. We need to get our priorities in order!
erin @ the mother load
http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com
@erinlynn76
Yep Erin, no point in striving for perfection because it’s not real. YOu are amazingly good enough right now. Believe it, Cherry
What a wonderful post! Thank you, Cherry! I had not been aware of the teen contest, and I am so glad that you were! As the Amish (is it the Amish????) say “Only God is perfect” which is why whenever they make something, there’s always one little thing that’s not perfect, an intentional mistake. We are all perfect in our own ways, and yes, one of the greatest things about being old (mid-fifties for me) is that I no longer care about being perfect. Like you, Cherry, I post for all the world to see. And, they’ll either like what I write, or they won’t. Both are equally fine. Will I stop running because I take walk breaks every three minutes or so? Not likely (in fact, those who don’t take walk breaks should search for their orthopedic surgeons right now!). Thank you, Cherry. I love this post.
Another terrific and resonating post that reminds us to take the pressure off…yes, those awful pressures we put on ourselves. You’re so right, it’s never about being perfect but rather offering up your gifts when needed. I’ll try to follow your lead on this and remember to turn off those voices in my own head!