Even the picture is tasty-from benjerry.com
There’s nothing wrong with eating ice cream (especially if it has chocolate AND peanut butter in it). Nor is there anything wrong with buying the latest techno-toy or watching TV sitcoms or having a beer.
It only becomes wrong a problem if you chose to do those things as a way to comfort yourself but then beat yourself up for:
- making that choice
- thinking the choice represents a fatal flaw within yourself.
Granted each of those choices falls short of providing the long-term solace and love you desired but you were trying to take care of yourself and feel better.
Again, you rarely end up achieving what you desire when you make those choices and you often feel worse afterward. For example, I’d be finishing licking out the last delectable, smears of ice cream from the bottom of my bowl, trying to keep the chocolate from getting in my hair, when my inner shrew would start wagging her finger and saying “I thought you were cutting back on eating sugar. You just can’t follow through on a plan can you?” Damn, a double whammy. The pleasure given and taken away with a generous dollop of self-recrimination on top.
Why Did I (Or You) Eat Ice Cream Or Make The Unnecessary Purchase Or Veg-out With TV etc.?
I ate the ice cream for the same reason I bought something for myself that I didn’t really need. I was feeling sad or lonely so I indulged in something that made me feel good, albeit for a brief period of time.
That kind of ephemeral comfort is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. My feeling good AND self-worth were devoured by the words inside my head: “loser”, “lack self-control”, “hopeless” .
Be Compassionate With Yourself
Don’t be fooled – your actions do not equate to your sense of self, the core of who you are. Your choices were simply a way you learned to comfort yourself that don’t work anymore. So be compassionate with yourself; your intent was to be helpful even if the impact didn’t turn out the way you wanted.
Separate who you are from your behavior. Be a kind friend to the hurting person inside yourself.
What Need Were You Trying To Meet?
Was the need you were hoping to satisfy loneliness, stress, feeling overwhelmed or feeling unloved? Identifying and becoming aware of the feeling driving your choice is a great first step to changing the behavior.
Then allow yourself to feel, e.g. your loneliness, (I know, it sucks at first but the long term benefits are tremendous) rather than trying to push the feeling away. Subsequently, when you’re reaching for the next glass of wine for comfort, you’ll recognize why you’re doing it, which provides a space for a different choice.
Repeat: Compassion For Yourself And Your Humanity
Also, with that recognition comes understanding of your very human need for comfort. Hopefully then (and this comes with practice) you’ll be kind and patient with yourself for wanting to indulge in something that isn’t in your best interests because you recognize it for what it is – a cry for self-care: “I just want comfort and to feel less fill in the blank.”
Practice, practice, practice being compassionate with yourself. With compassion for your behaviors and humanness, the door swings wide open for self love and healthier, more satisfying self-care choices.
Whoopi Has The Right Idea
I’ve learned to take time for myself and to treat myself with a great deal of love and respect ’cause I like me…. I think I’m kind of cool. – Whoopi Goldberg
I think I’m cool too. In fact, I rock. How ’bout you?
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
Little by little we can find our way to contentment without the need for tasty treats, gifts for self, or other indulgences. Being alone has its virtues and loneliness its teachings. Sometimes we do ourselves a disservice by trying to distract ourselves from inner things that hurt. I fully agree that we shouldn’t pile on, trying to hurt ourselves. But I think that if we invest real time in observing and correcting those actions, we stand to gain. Thanks for reinforcing the need for self-kindness and tolerance. Can’t get too much of that. ~Dawn
We’ve got to find a balance. Many of us over indulge.. (i’m with you about the chocolate and peanut butter) and then many of us never, ever “treat” ourselves and if we do, we feel horribly guilty.
you summed it up with the quote from Whoopi!
Thanks for this awesome reminder
@spreadingJOY
You are welcome cool-Marie.
You’re right that many people don’t treat themselves, which is sad. Cherry
An impactful comment Dawn. Your point: “Sometimes we do ourselves a disservice by trying to distract ourselves from inner things that hurt.” is an important one. Thanks.
I love this, Cherry. It is a good reminder that a real “treat” does not come with a guilt chaser.
Thank you for that. I’ll remember it the next time I go for the Sun Chips.
Gwyn,
No more guilt – yes! Because it’s definitely the guilt does it harm, not the sun chips. Thanks for stopping by. Cherry
You do rock, Cherry! I thought of the Rodney Dangerfield, “I don’t get no respect” line. Whoopi’s right, we’ve got to love & respect ourselves–first. I’m gonna dub myself “Cool” too; it’s about time. ~Pam
You are definitely cool, glad you’re calling it like you see it. Cherry
Cherry, Really enjoyed this post! (Found it through Ash at TMF Project).
I love your timely advice to be compassionate with ourselves and separate ourselves from our behavior. It’s so easy to identify ourselves with our behaviors…especially our “failures” even when we know better!
Look forward to connecting with you here and on twitter and reading more!
Have a great weekend!
Thanks Steve. I’m glad you found me, which in turn means I found you! Win-win.
I am having a good weekend, hope you are too. Cherry