On Flag Day, Redhead Writing announced a sale on Big People Pants at Owning Your Shit Emporium.
I like to think that I don’t need to drive over to that sale because I already own enough Big People Pants. Unfortunately, sometimes I forget to put them on in the morning, which can set off a cherryslide all the way to Chapter 2 of my favorite autobiographical poem by Portia Nelson.
Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
Which chapter do you spend most of your life in?
Be honest with yourself because your candid assessment of how you live your life -by chapter and street – is what’s going to get you out of the hole faster and ultimately walking down another street. There’s a bounty of treasures and boundless joy to be found on the Street of Owning Your Stuff.
- Sparkling relationships
- Luminescent fulfillment
- 5 Star Achievements
- Fun Without Guilt
- Dreamy Days and Weeks of Virtually NO Anger
When I’m wearing my Big People Pants I don’t become angry at other people because I’m not personalizing what they choose to do. I feel confident in what’s right for me. When “properly attired”, I don’t blitz out on things that can drive [pun intended] some people mad: how other people drive or park their cars or, larger issues such as, a work or communication style that’s different than mine. My way of doing things is right for me; it’s far from THE right way.
If I feel bad, that’s my responsibility also. That one sorta sucks, at least initially, because darn it, I don’t have anyone to blame for my mood. Sometimes I want to be angry and stomp around and join the ranks of the poor-me’s.
- If I feel sorry for myself then its OK to stay in bed.
- I can legitimize having too much alcohol cause, hey I was upset.
- I can rationalize the triple chocolate nut sundae with peanut butter sauce because I deserve it to make myself feel better.
But I’ve learned that walking on the Street of Owning Your Stuff is really a healing stroll. When I’m there, I take care of myself and my feelings so it’s OK to choose to stay in bed simply because I want to catch up on some reading and give my brain a rest from work.
It’s fine to tip back a foamy IPA because I enjoy it.
I can choose to eat ice cream guilt free because it’s not done defiantly or with any expectation that it’s going to change my mood. It just tastes wonderful.
Think about it. What are your present behavior patterns?
Do you tend to blame other people or things for your failure to accomplish what you want?
Do you still hold your parents responsible for your behaviors even though you are now an adult and capable of changing them?
You can change. I did. Many people have.
How about we help each other out — share your stories in the comment section of what you did to get unstuck and stop blaming others for your problems.
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
OMG. Cherry, I love this post so much. I love it, love it, love it. Your poetry and autobiography are worthy of many textbooks. I love you owning your stuff, you IPA drinkin’ gal, you. Seriously, we need to spend a weekend together sometime. It would be so dang satisfying.
Lara,
I love the praise and the idea of spending a weekend together but I didn’t write that poem. Sorry for the confusion, it was written by Portia Nelson. Like you, I think it is wonderful.
Let’s get together, Cherry
I’ve found myself in MANY holes over the year. I “think” my chapters take about a decade LOL. But today I sorta celebrate my slowness cuz it is sooo me. That said, I haven’t been in a NEW hole in a long time – which probably has me bouncing from Chapter 3/4. Yes, I have to learn and relearn – surrender and resurrender – and I’m a forgetter. So sometimes I get through Chapter 5, but I sometimes have to go back and study Chapter 3.
Oprah was talking about relationships once and she said, “You better learn your lesson with this one, cuz if you don’t, the universe will send you another one in a different pair of jeans.”
Love this post!
Thanks Kris. I’m with you on the learning and relearning – surrender and resurrendering. At least we keep re-doing!
I like the Oprah quote about relationships. There I was a slow learner, the universe had to send many different pairs of jeans.
Love this. I have this poem posted in my office.
I would love to print out your blog, with your permission, and give this to soem of my clients. Many struggle weekly, daily with intrusive self-sabotaging, even tho they are now grown, beautiful and healed in many ways…
I also love this for myself..
thanks, Kathy
Kathy,
Yes, many struggle with self-sabotage and even worse, aren’t aware that they’re self-sabotaging.
As I said in my email, as long as you attribute the post to me and this site http://borderlessthing.com I am more than happy to have you share it.
Cherry
I love this poem Cherry and use it with clients all the time. I hadn’t heard the Oprah quote before, but it really sends the message home.
I think it’s so much easier to take responsibility for your own stuff instead of blaming others. When you blame others, there’s nothing you can do to change your situation except hope the others decide to change it for you. When YOU are responsible, if YOU don’t like the way something is going YOU can figure out a way to change it.
Great stuff Cherry!
Thanks Katie. I like and agree with: “When YOU are responsible, if YOU don’t like the way something is going YOU can figure out a way to change it.” So true, thanks for a wonderful chime on the subject.
Oh dear. I was in Chap 3 (habit) this morning but didn’t get out immediately *blushes* I wallowed a bit. But I’m over it now.
Oh, it was definitely habit and my fault. Same old argument. I knew better. I always do.
Kris @Krazy_Kris tweeted this at the most appropriate time. Read: the moment I needed a reality check.
When life’s in limbo I find I automatically return to Chapters 2-3. Habit is familiar, limbo is uncomfortable. But, it’d be healthier to move onto another street…
Thank you for introducing me to this Kris and thanks you Cherry for posting it!
Kristen,
I am so glad that the timing of this post was good for you.
I’m also grateful that Krazy Kris brought us together.
Habits are difficult to break but I think it’s also possible too. A mistake I’ve made is expecting to always stay on the new street (last chapter) and then being critical of myself for slipping back. That self-denigration only served to keep me in a negative place longer.
Looking forward to getting to know you better. Cherry
Awesome poem and narrative, Cherry! I will definitely print this out and use it with clients. Come to think of it, there’s a nine year old (non-client) that could benefit, too:).
I honestly believe if we want to change, and for the sake of simplicity, we had to choose one area of our lives to focus on, it would be owning our stuff.
The blame game and the complain train are just useless methods of burying ourselves deeper, while making others miserable in the process.
Ever since I heard Leo Babauta of Zen Habits about simplicity, I’ve been reciting the word “simple” several times a day. For whatever reason, this helps me to refocus and channel compassion and calm instead of judgment and impatience.
Thanks for a wonderful post and reference for clients!
Hi Linda, thanks for your well thought out comment.
You referenced Leo Babauta of Zen Habits in one of your posts. His words obviously had a positive impact on you. That’s great.
Interesting that just repeating the word “simple” has such a large impact. Another example of how simple is better than complexifying. Cherry
Love this post and love the ensuing coversation here. I am all over the place jumping from childish, selfish blame games to owning my stuff and back again. When i’m owning I love myself and think id like me if I were someone else. When im blaming I can’t stand who I am, and I’ve come to realize its when I let myself get too tired, worked up, stressed and panicky. Your site has certainly been a huge benefit to me and sadly I cannot remember who it was that sent me in this direction so I can thank them! Sheeesh.
Ali,
It’s good to hear that the site has been a benefit to you.
Your statement “When im blaming I can’t stand who I am, and I’ve come to realize its when I let myself get too tired, worked up, stressed and panicky. ” I second wholeheartedly. That is true for me too. I’d also add when I don’t eat or eat correctly. I’m prone to low blood sugar so need “meals” through out the day. I can spiral down and have awful thoughts about myself and my life when then happens. When I realize I skipped meals, and then eat I usually improve dramatically. Cherry
Love the poem. Have tucked it into my pants! Powerful message on all fronts. For me owning it all gets heavy. My challenge is about is putting some of it down to lighten the load. Oh, to be a perennial work in progress. ~Dawn
Yes, Dawn owning too much, or thinking virtually everything is your responsibility is a burden and can wear you down. I’d give you “the lecture” but you know it already.
You made a comment to Jen Gresham about what she’d tell her clients about taking vacation and/or time for themselves vs. what she herself practices. So to you: What would you tell your clients related to overburdening themselves with responsibility? And how can you practice those behaviors?
Cherry
I can see myself at the bottom of the pothole looking up and saying, Now What? I vow, once I get out of this mess, I will never be in the bottom of that pothole again, only to find myself in a new pothole 2 days later. How did that happen? The pothole isn’t as scary this time, and I get out pretty fast. I’m pretty good about avoiding the potholes I’ve been in before, but the damn things keep springing up in new places…patch one up one day and there’s a new one a few feet away or one on the next street that I never saw before and plunk! there I go again. When I was 8 I thought there would be no potholes at 15, and at 15 I thought there’d be none at 20, and at 20 I thought there’d be none at 30, and surely by the time I was 50 all roads would be smooth….finally, I get it; there will always be potholes and I’m gonna fall in some now and again–until I stop doing stuff. Suddenly, the pothole doesn’t look so bad to me.
Thanks, Cherry for another great lesson! ~Pam
Fabulous comment Pam. There are new or different streets that have their own potholes and we can fall in those.
Loved this line: “When I was 8 I thought there would be no potholes at 15, and at 15 I thought there’d be none at 20, and at 20 I thought there’d be none at 30, and surely by the time I was 50 all roads would be smooth….finally, I get it; there will always be potholes and I’m gonna fall in some now and again–until I stop doing stuff. Suddenly, the pothole doesn’t look so bad to me.”
I also know people who moved to a new geographic area thinking that would be an end to their potholes. Well you know what happened with that.
I was slow in learning that a different man would not end relationship potholes. Cherry
Wow, this is one of my favorites.
Still looking for that other street. Sometimes I fall in, but don’t blame others and get out quicker. I think I tend to walk around and take a look down the hole. Don’t know why, because I don’t like it there.
Thanks for this lovely post!
You’re welcome Irene. I’m glad you liked it and find that other street soon. Here’s to new directions, Cherry
Great metaphor re the potholes …i knew this one but didn’t see it that way in my life until i read this. i’m not a dumb person but i just keep making the same mistake that hurts me! Now I can relate to “potholes” maybe that’s the first step seeing them as such. i’d love to go down a different road..one to freedom & less pain. i just cant find it yet. in my head i’m saying don’t go down here but then i do what i shouldn’t to please others! I’m looking forward to reading your Guide Cherry.
Thank you very much