I know a lot about myself because of years of:
- introspection
- journaling
- counseling
- vision quests
- sweat lodges
- retreats
- workshops
- working with some of the best consultants on change management projects
- helping leaders see their issues, which meant I had to own my issues and strengths and weaknesses
- having two sons and friends who never let me get away with diddley-squat
Then came Amy Oscar’s prompt or reflection point:
What did you think would happen when.…….e.g., you didn’t call someone back or you forgot their birthday or…
It made me realize that this facilitator of change in others, this borderless thinker, needed to take a hard look at her life - at the loneliness and isolation she’s felt too frequently in the past couple of years.
Hard Questions
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What did I think would happen when friends moved away and I didn’t make efforts to replace them.
-
What did I think would happen when I vowed “Never again” to being in a relationship with a man because I was not taking the chance of getting hurt again.
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What did I think would happen when I chose not to join any new groups because being alone was easier.
Damn. I’m responsible for my own life again.
That’s a good thing – a very good thing. As I tell clients, that means you (me in this case) can affect change in your life.
So this morning I did something I never thought I would do. I took a knitting class. And it was fun.
There’s a great place in Bethlehem called The Knitter’s Edge. Beautiful building. It has rooms for classes (only $6 for two hours) and they’re jammed with happy, chatty, upbeat women who talk in a foreign language – Knitugese. Learning a new language means I’m expanding my brain and warding off Alzheimer’s. Struggling with knitting needles means keeping joints nimble. And all the while I’m creating something. Heaven.
The Conversation.
“What project did you want to work on?” I didn’t want to answer “myself” so just said I don’t know.
“No problem, just practicing in the beginning is a great idea.” <whew>
I knitted a bunch of rows, dropped stitches (not sure that’s the right word), accidentally did cross-overs and eve rybody thought it was great.
Then I purled or tried to. “You’re doing great. Just take this yarn home and practice some more.”
Then I found out that Cupcake Week was coming up. Who knew?
I want to be part of anything that even hints at chocolate and my 3-year-old granddaughter loves cupcakes. You guessed it. I now have the pattern and yarn to make a Cupcake Hat for her.
A Cupcake Hat! from knittingpatterncentral.com
I had no idea that I was blocking my inner knitter. It’s wonderful to let her out.
Ask me if you want help moving beyond some of the limits you’ve put on yourself. I’m telling you there’s a world of possibilities for you.
Photo of girl – Flickr Creative commons license 
All rights reserved by greenfa1ry
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What a beautiful life lesson wrapped in a wonderful new experience. Thanks for sharing it with us.
You are welcome Steve. Life lessons just keep on happening, no matter our age – thank goodness. Hope all is well with you. Cherry
wow wonderful piece…..beautiful revealing and also sweetly simple….we had a knitting group at the hospital where I worked in the Cancer Center…..it was an awesome group ..I (re)learned to knit there, but it is not my forte at all….but the women still meet even w/o any staff suppporting them….great tribute to the relationships built there..
good luck and love the cupcake hat! have fun!
Thanks Kathy. I will have fun as long as I enjoy the struggle of getting it right, cause in this case there is an objective right.
Loving the cupcakes, Cherry
This is great, Cherry. I agree with Steve that it is a wonderful life lesson. You have a gift for discovery, putting yourself out there, and engaging others. It’s not easy taking responsibility for your own life, especially when there’s no net and you’re the sole motivator. That’s why each step you take is such an amazing commentary about the no-quit gal that is you. Thanks for this great piece. BTW, that cupcake hat seems really hard to knit, not like an afghan that’s flat! Wow…Dawn
Dawn, this cupcake hat could end up to be the world’s first flat cupcake hat. If it does end up flat then I’m slathering it in real icing and using it as a plate.
Cherry – what a great story topped off with so many important life lessons! It can be frightening when we realize, re-realize, and realize just one more time that we are responsible for our own experience in this life. But actually DOING something about it – whoa now! That’s a big step! That’s taking it from thinking about it to taking action; THAT’s huge! Thanks for a beautiful reminder!
Dan,
Thanks for your kind words and enthusiasm. I think I’ll show my appreciation by knitting you a cupcake hat of your own. What are your fav. flavors? Cherry