Today my glass was half empty.
I tried to fill it several times but the water of confidence evaporated before it hit my container.
“OK Cherry,” I thought to myself, “use the tools you know will help you.”
But I resisted.
<sigh>
What was my resistance telling me? What was its guidance?
I paused. I sat quietly. I closed my eyes. And I listened.
The wise old bean inside me said: “You’re resisting moving to the next level of business and life success. You know you’re on the precipice of a fuller and happier life.”
The me made of remnants of what other people told me I should or could be said: “Horse hockey. I just don’t feel well.”
Wise old bean: “Why don’t you feel well?”
Remnants: I hate you for telling me to look at this. I don’t feel well because I’m not taking care of myself. I caused a hypoglycemia reaction which, at its worst can send me so low I have thoughts of suicide. But it’s not that extreme today.
Wise old bean: And…
Remnants: And not feeling well meant I stayed in bed longer than usual and didn’t go for my morning walk.
Wise old bean: When you take a morning walk, how do you feel?
Remnants: Invigorated. I feel my blood flowing and I’m full of ideas.
Is it really necessary to rub this in?
Wise old bean: <smiling> What keeps you from doing the things that make you feel good?
Remnants: If I feel good there are more things I can do. More possibilities to explore. More opportunities to be big and that scares the hell out of me.
Wise old bean: It scares you?
Remnants: There is so much responsibility that goes along with being big. People expect more. No one will take care of me.
Wise old bean: Your voice changed when you said no one would take care of you. It sounded like the voice of a child.
Remnants: <crying now> I really don’t want to go there. Been there, done that.
Wise old bean: You don’t need to go there again. But you did slip back into old behavior. I just want to remind you that the vast majority of time it’s you who’s taking care of yourself. You have great relationships with your adult sons. If there’s a problem you address it. You own, maintain and run rental properties. You have a successful career. You’re respected. You have friends.
Please stop sticking your tongue out at me.
Remnants: I really do know what you’re saying, but I’m not perfect.
Wise old bean: True.
Remnants: <laughing now> You could have hesitated for a second before agreeing with me. But you’re right. I’m accomplishing dreams that I thought were gone a long time ago. It feels so cartwheeling-ly, backflipping-ly good to be helping women again. Oh! I just had a visual. I fell over the precipice into a blindingly verdant valley with a river flowing through it and rolling hills covered with trees and flowers in the distance.
I love when I “see” things.
Wise old bean: I love when you do too.
You too can rebuild your confidence. No doubt in my mind. Your choice, just like it was mine today. Love you.
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
I love that wise old bean. it knows some important stuff. :)
Yep, Amy it does know some important stuff. Good old #soulchat helped again.
I liked that. I was once taught to have a conversation with myself by writing questions with my non-dominant hand and answering with my dominant hand – accessing different parts of my brain/psyche. I found it tremendously helpful.
Thanks Alison. I also was taught about writing with my non-dominant hand, although not the switching between hands for Q and A’s.
I found the non-dominant writing powerful but could rarely read it later.
I will try the Q & A switching method you mentioned, sounds interesting.
Were you reading my mind? I’m sure that many of us can relate to these kinds of conversations in our heads. Thanks for the reminder that there is a wise old bean inside of me.
Kim,
I was reading your mind. :) Thanks for stopping by and getting an additional source of inspiration.
Hope we can get our wise beans together again, Cherry
I love this – accessing the wise old bean part inside yourself and conversing with her.
Accessing the inner healer.
thanks for this positive uplifting essay!
Kathy ,
You are welcome Kathy. Thanks for your continuing support. Cherry
Another really clever post that connects in such a creative way. We all need to be better friends with our own “wise beans,” that ever present internal voice that knows us, loves us, and brings us clarity when we take/make time to listen. Well done, ~Dawn
Thanks Dawn. Yes, connecting with the wise bean vs the shrew is the way to go. When we’re in the throes of lack of sleep or whatever it can be hard to know the difference in voices unless we take a lot of deep breaths first. Cherry
Ooh–love the new design, Cherry. Very sleek and progressive.
Oh, I’ve had conversations with the Not-so-wise Burned Out Bean for the past two weeks—UGH!! I wish she was wiser:).
The contrasts are so prevalent. There’s the negative and the positive attitudes; the baby self versus the adult self who live in us forever; and the choice to get up and engage life or stay in bed and wallow.
Perhaps the wisest choice of all is to love yourself. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I just thought of something I say to my son, which may not be too healthy for long-term self-love: “Nobody loves you like your mama.” Of course, my mom said that to us growing up….Hmmm. May need to revise that one;).
Lovely post, Cherry.
Thanks!
Linda,
I think you’re right: “Perhaps the wisest choice of all is to love yourself. The good, the bad, and the ugly”
You know, maybe you do need to revise what you say to your son. I don’t know that I would have thought about that but once you bring it up, it is one of those well-intentioned statements that could have an untended. negative impact on relationships in the future. some of the things my mom said to me have come to bite me as an adult and, again, she meant well. Little did she know how my system would process/perceive it. Cherry
ps- glad you like the new design.
I love it! I often have conversations with myself – no one I’ve dubbed the wise old bean yet, but some time to shake of the pitty party and pick yourself up voices are certainly in there warring with the – but this bed is so comfy, why can’t someone else take care of me – voices.
So nice to know I’m not insane to have multiple voices in there! OR at least that I’m in good company in my insanity. :)
Daria,
I’ve learned that you and I with our multiple voices are in the majority so there’s a lot of insanity going around. And I definitely like keeping company with you. Hope you enjoy a voice-less weekend. Cherry
What a perfect script for the internal dialogue so many of us struggle with on the “bad days”. The best part – a successful conclusion!
Thanks Cherry – great post!
PS – love the new lay-out!
Dan,
Thanks for the compliments. As you know on those “bad days” we need a “new direction” and to “think change”. You have those things covered. :) Cherry
Love it! (And glad to know others sink low in hypoglycemia!)
I may just use this…what a great way to get some free self-therapy :)
Please do use it Elizabeth.
Yes, hypoglycemia can creep up on you and I wonder how many people are affected by it but think they have depression so are taking anti-depressants. Cherry
Sometimes this kind of conversation with myself works. Sometimes it is too tiring. I have started needing silence (in my own mind) to get through my self doubt. That or a pomegranite (sp?) martini! :)
The new design looks really great! Did you use Well Versed Creative?
Hey Miriam,
I agree that sometimes silence is what’s needed. But, it’s true that pomegranate martini are quite tasty and tempting instead.
I’m glad you like the new design. http://www.ashleyinzer designed the header and I did the rest after taking a class from http://www.taragentile.com
Very nice on the DIY!! Wow!
Cherry ~ *I* could just as well have been having a very similar conversation with *me*, although my “remnants” manifest themselves into two characters, Miss Prissy Perfection (who doesn’t want to get involved in anything unless she can do it right the first time, every time) and Mordred, the Funeral Director, (who is constantly reminding me that doom is just around the corner).
Thank you for sharing your personal conversation with yourself. It was very generous of you and served as a reminder to me to listen to my own “wise old bean” more often.
Gwen,
Thank you for your honest and lovely comment.
Your characters are usually strong and well trained. That darn old Miss Prissy can be a “show” stopper. And Mordred (I’m chuckling at the name) is a character that, as you know, needs to be written out of the play but he’s become so familiar and well known, it’s hard to do. Thanks for sharing yourself here.
Gwyn, my dear, I hope we get to meet in person some day. ooxx, Cherry
Beautiful post.
Beautiful do-over.
Beautiful you.
Our thinking can be similar – isn’t that wonderfully beautiful?
Painful at times, yes.
Always human – always honest.
Thank you!
Yes, Kris, it is wonderfully beautiful that our thinking can be similar.
I am entranced by people’s humanity and honesty. No one ought feel the need to hide it.
Add in that we’re both a bit Krazy and we have the delectable icing on the cake.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Big cheek smooch to you…sorry for slobbering. Cherry
Magnificent and you are known to me now as Jumping Bean Wise
I’m now known to you as “jumping bean wise”?!
Again, lovely Anne, your humor is wonderful and consistently makes me laugh out loud. I think it’s time for me to make the switch from a 2nd cup of coffee in the morning to a cup of Anne P.
Start my day with an uplifting tone. Hugs and more hugs, Cherry
Great conversation! I do that sometimes as well. What I find hard is that it is not always just two voices. And sometimes a my “wise old bean” seems to be possessed and in the middle of a very wise intervention spouts something really hurtful (it is just another hateful voice getting in). How do you know when it’s the real wise voice and not a fake wise voice that is talking?
Oh, and I loved Alison’s idea of writing with different hands. Maybe on a keyboard it would work better? Whenever I’ve tried with pen and paper it’s not worked.
Victoria,
Writing in different hands is a powerful approach to getting to ideas or beliefs that are deep within us. We’re accessing different sides of our brain by doing that and also we have to concentrate more when writing with our non-dominant hand which can override the possessed wise old bean. Cherry