Today my glass was half empty.
I tried to fill it several times but the water of confidence evaporated before it hit my container.
“OK Cherry,” I thought to myself, “use the tools you know will help you.”
But I resisted.
What was my resistance telling me? What was its guidance?
I paused. I sat quietly. I closed my eyes. And I listened.
The wise old bean inside me said: “You’re resisting moving to the next level of business and life success. You know you’re on the precipice of a fuller and happier life.”
The me made of remnants of what other people told me I should or could be said: “Horse hockey. I just don’t feel well.”
Wise old bean: “Why don’t you feel well?”
Remnants: I hate you for telling me to look at this. I don’t feel well because I’m not taking care of myself. I caused a hypoglycemia reaction which, at its worst can send me so low I have thoughts of suicide. But it’s not that extreme today.
Wise old bean: And…
Remnants: And not feeling well meant I stayed in bed longer than usual and didn’t go for my morning walk.
Wise old bean: When you take a morning walk, how do you feel?
Remnants: Invigorated. I feel my blood flowing and I’m full of ideas.
Is it really necessary to rub this in?
Wise old bean: <smiling> What keeps you from doing the things that make you feel good?
Remnants: If I feel good there are more things I can do. More possibilities to explore. More opportunities to be big and that scares the hell out of me.
Wise old bean: It scares you?
Remnants: There is so much responsibility that goes along with being big. People expect more. No one will take care of me.
Wise old bean: Your voice changed when you said no one would take care of you. It sounded like the voice of a child.
Remnants: <crying now> I really don’t want to go there. Been there, done that.
Wise old bean: You don’t need to go there again. But you did slip back into old behavior. I just want to remind you that the vast majority of time it’s you who’s taking care of yourself. You have great relationships with your adult sons. If there’s a problem you address it. You own, maintain and run rental properties. You have a successful career. You’re respected. You have friends.
Please stop sticking your tongue out at me.
Remnants: I really do know what you’re saying, but I’m not perfect.
Wise old bean: True.
Remnants: <laughing now> You could have hesitated for a second before agreeing with me. But you’re right. I’m accomplishing dreams that I thought were gone a long time ago. It feels so cartwheeling-ly, backflipping-ly good to be helping women again. Oh! I just had a visual. I fell over the precipice into a blindingly verdant valley with a river flowing through it and rolling hills covered with trees and flowers in the distance.
I love when I “see” things.
Wise old bean: I love when you do too.
You too can rebuild your confidence. No doubt in my mind. Your choice, just like it was mine today. Love you.