I love true stories.
Especially ones with happy endings.
A still shot of my socks going up & down.
My socks go up and down as a woman tells me about increasing her confidence and becoming strong.
It totally rocks when she relays the story of accomplishing something that she wouldn’t have done previously because of fear that use to have a stun gun impact on her courage.
I know how hard it can be to let go of the person you used to be. She showed tremendous strength.
It’s Hard To Let Go
Even though you may not like yourself very much, or you’re unhappy and wish things would be different, it’s still hard to let go of automatic habits that served a purpose in the past. Your old habits have come to feel like the old tattered pj’s and sweatshirt that you wear so comfortably when you’re at home.
Old habits are part of your identity; part of your story. It’s difficult to picture yourself without those negative patterns. What will come in their place?
- If you let go of fear, imagine how you could feel.
- If you let go of self-denigration, imagine how you could feel.
- If you stopped feeling sad, imagine what life would be like.
- If you asked for what you need, which makes it possible to get, think how it would feel to have what you want.
It helps to know that if you’re going to put the effort into becoming more confident the payoff is a good one. Visualize the world of possibilities open to you.
Take action.
The first step is increasing your self-awareness. Before you can do something differently, it needs to be clear what you’re doing now.
You need to take a long look at yourself. I recommend writing about yourself. Ask yourself challenging questions and write out the answers in the privacy of your room. Or the place where you can be the most honest. The most blunt.
- What am I hanging on to that keeps me in a place of sadness?
- In the deepest part of my being do I really believe that I’m not good enough?
- What first led me to believe that I wasn’t good enough? Does it (or did it then) hold validity? Am I really, as a person, not good enough or did I just make some mistakes?
- What can I do to let go of these negative, untrue, feelings?
Achieving confidence is the same as any other skill you want to learn in life.
You need to work at it. Practice it.
If you’re willing to do that, the outcome will be so worth it.
Start today. In fact, start now.
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
very nice post. interesting that these thoughts came up today from you. I’ve been grappling with an issue for a while, but I was looking at it from the viewpoint of “etiquette.” But I talked about it with a friend of mine. And she just said to me, “ask yourself what it is that you feel inside when you think about this issue.” I was sort of annoyed with her, then I realized that my annoyance was probably signaling something that rang true. So, I gave it some thought and I let myself experienced my feelings fully when I thought about the issue. I realized it was that I thought I was good enough. And that gave me the courage to tackle the issue. Because that feeling is that old feeling, and it’s just hanging around out of habit, sometimes when I tackle something new. So thanks for the reminder!
Kathy,
Interesting isn’t it how we can think an issue is about, say ettiquette, when, upong further reflection it’s about us thinking we’re not good enough or we think we have to be right (which stems from same issue).
I certainly have done similar things to what you’re talking about.
You are very welcome for the reminder. Cherry
I appreciate the emphasis on getting rid of those comfortable, tattered habits which served us in the past. It reminded me of a childhood tendency which worked as a self-preservation skill while young, but has outgrown its effectiveness.
It takes a lot of self-awareness and oftentimes a supportive person to point that out. I suppose an open mind never hurts either:).
I’ve been unduly negative towards someone in my life…it’s obviously my issue as much as theirs. OK, starting today it’s inhale the good this person offers, and exhale the bad memories.
Thanks for jumpstarting my positivity!
Laughing Linda,
You are welcome, I am glad I could jumpstart your positivity. You know as well as I do that accepting that other person as they are takes much less of an emotional toll on you. Good luck, Cherry
Love your points here: “Achieving confidence is the same as any other skill you want to learn in life. You need to work at it. Practice it.” We so often take self-confidence for granted or expect it to desert us when in fact what we need to do is work at it. It can be heavy lifting like weights in a gym or breath-sapping like running a mile. No matter. When we’re fit emotionally, a lot of things go much easier. ~Dawn
Amen. You said it well Dawn, thank you.
I seriously struggle with: “If you asked for what you need, which makes it possible to get, think how it would feel to have what you want”
For whatever reason I always feel no matter how small, I’m asking too much.
Joyce,
I’m sorry to read that you struggle with asking for what you need. That’s a tough one. What makes you think that asking for something for yourself is “too much”? Is it about not deserving?
I’m sitting here thinking of ways to help you reframe it but my brain is not clicking today – took my Lyme med & it knocks me around. But tomorrow is another day and I will think about it. I want to contact you on another thing anyway. Hugs to you my on-line and well-deserving friend, Cherry
Thanks Cherry and look forward to chatting :)
Hi Cherry –
Thank you for this provocative post that might make me dig deeper than I desire!
Sometimes I feel too strongly that it’s more beneficial to get over it, than get into it. I have zero tolerance for self pity; I simply don’t have time for that or I don’t carry that gene. At least that’s what I tell myself.
1) I don’t know if I’m hanging on or it’s hanging on to me- isn’t everyone sad sumx?
2) No, but isn’t it egotistical to think you’re so great (there’s that voice again)
3) I’ve made LOTS of mistakes, and sometimes twice.
4) Hold Cherry Woodburn’s hand?
Isn’t it interesting that the survival mechanisms that help us over our hurdles would be the same habits blocking the door to soul freedom.
I might need a life sifter – do you sell anything like that?
Just got a big dose of my childhood when I visited my family in Denmark. I reminded me (again) that we struggle with “the good enough” and the “what about me” issue in my family.
Thanks for a great post Cherry!
Being with family can be wonderful and it can also bring up things we felt as kids. But know Irene that you are good enough and you are seen. Cherry