Other people tell me I do many things they’d be scared to do.
So many choices.
Huh?
Granted, I do public speaking and training for individuals and Fortune 500 companies, but how could I be braver than anyone else when I’m afraid of going to the grocery store?
Yep, I’m scared to go grocery shopping.
If you grocery shop without a second thought, you may wonder: what’s she afraid of?
It’s easier to start with what I’m not afraid of.
- I’m not afraid of being shot and killed in the condiment aisle.
- I’m not afraid of being raped on the dimly lit half-priced fruit table.
- Nor am I afraid people will find out I went commando to shop because I was out of laundry detergent and, subsequently, clean underwear.
- I’m also not afraid that the people who drive around on a motorized cart are suddenly going to lose control and pin me against the bottles of virgin olive oil.
I’m afraid of feeling afraid.
- I’m afraid that someone will get in my space and stand too close while looking for the same item.
- I’m afraid of getting overwhelmed by all the choices.
- I’m afraid of choosing the wrong fruit, the wrong yogurt, the wrong fish.
- I’m afraid of spending money.
It’s amorphous, this fear. Frankly I don’t “get it” either. But the feelings are so fucking powerful that my refrigerator sits empty much of the time.
So I’m working on this seemingly crazy fear.
I barter with myself.
Small steps to get me moving. I think “How about just getting to the local market around the corner? It’s smaller, cozier and has less people in it.” Or I say “How about going to the big supermarket and just get two items? Pick two that you know exactly where they are so you can zip in and out.”
I learned, in the past, that when I did something I was afraid of, the consequences I feared weren’t anywhere near the dire results that my feelings suggested.
So I kept trying, even when I failed, until the fear dissipated or was at such a low level that I simply nodded at it to acknowledge its presence and then followed through on what I wanted to do. <Exhilaratingly freeing>
How about you? Do you have any secret irrational fears?
What do you do to help yourself through them? I’d love to know.
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
Cherry,
My irrational fears all centre around insects. Eww. I can’t stand to be in the same room as a fly, particularly when it has driven itself mad from bouncing off a lit lamp. Flying insects of all descriptions give me the heebie jeebies and yet apart from the dreaded mosquito, there’s really not much they can do to me. Nonetheless, I quake with fear in the presence of just about any six-legged creature, especially if it has wings. Go figure.
So here’s the deal. I’ll do your grocery shopping if you come and defend me against marauding arthropods.
Gwyn,
You’re on. I’ll take care of the insects and you do the grocery shopping. Millipeds sorts freak me out but I can still handle them so I think you and I are covered. Cherry
By the way, I think you have great courage to stand up to your fear…irrational or no. Me, I buy screens. :-)
Thank you Gwyn. Many hugs for those kind words. Cherry
Ah, Cherry, I feel your pain. It’s not so much quaking fear as it is periodic panic in the grocery store. I hate going there so much that moths are flying out of the fridge by the time I will myself to go. I suffer from your # 2 and #4 plus I, at times (see I’m getting better), feel a kind of panic once I put that first item in the cart, sensing I’m now trapped by the process. I hate how long it takes and how frustrating the checkout line is. It’s pure dread!
Other than that I fear being late. Must have been doinked for that when I was young. However, I’ve developed a patience with myself and pat myself on the back for the little victories. Great post, Cherry, and an important topic. ~Dawn
Dawn,
Periodic panic is probably more accurate for me too. There’s typically dread but that’s different than fear or panic. The one for you of feeling a kind of panic when you put the first item in the cart because you’re then committed to the process is not a panic I have but it makes perfect sense to me, which is funny is some weird way.
Glad you can pat yourself on the back for little victories, it’s so important to do. Cherry
Hey Cherry–
Wow–that’s interesting. I can see how grocery shopping is overwhelming, what with all the choices and people. Also, and this could have no bearing or not–many times when there are catastrophic events like earthquakes, and other natural disasters, the media will frequently show images of grocery stores…hmmm.
That’s so sad that your fridge goes empty much of the time…I know you’re a very psychologically insightful person, and may have tried this, but have you considered sitting with your fear, rather than try and “fix” or change, or find a solution?
I guess if worse comes to worse, you and Dawn can play tag team–JK.
Irrational fears–yes, and I hope to God it is–that something awful will happen to my son. It’s not a pervasive fear, but it occurs frequently enough that it scared the %^$& out of me.
Thanks for sharing, and good luck–I’m rooting for you.
Definitely a fear, but one I don’t see as irrational – I’ve been to (brand name of any national chain megastore) and felt lightheaded and overwhelmed by the overabundance of glaring color and odor. It’s a tough place for someone who spends most of their days in a calm, serene, and tastefully decorated room. I feel your pain.
My irrational fear – the spectre of failure. Even though I can preach about the opportunity presented by failure, and can look at most of my past failures and learn, I still cringe at the thought of doing it again…
I think I may sit with that for a while – failure and I are going to have coffee this week to see if I can figure it out. Thanks for the suggestion Linda.
Did you have a chance to sit with your failure fear Dan? Would like to know what came up for you. Cherry
I’m with Linda on her irrational fears: I see my girls getting mortally wounded or dying form disease from time to time. It doesn’t help that my little one has some mysterious GI problems to the point where she’s underweight at 7 years old. She’s teensy tiny – looks like a twig you could snap. Ugh! I generally push the thoughts aside or pray for them (send positive chi) and that helps me feel better.
Miriam,
Not knowing what’s causing the GI problems for your daughter would be scary. It’s so hard not knowing causation. I am sending prayers and positive chi to her and you. Cherry
I also have the fear of my children getting hurt which having eased after they started driving ugh. A big fear I have is driving, especially new places, but the anxiety of just driving around in the area I do know is still very much there. I do drive nearly everyday and I feel proud when my comfort zone increases as in I can do it, but I would prefer not. I joke with getting a driver if I ever should win the lottery.
Irene,
Your fear reminds me of my mother. She, too, was afraid of driving – well her’s was more specific – it was driving on highways. She’d do what ever she could do take any route but the highway because she was so afraid.
Don’t like highways either, but take them when I can’t avoid, for instance when I worked in Miami and as I live in Fort lauderdale it would take me well over 2 hours to get to work instead of 1 hour if I had to take other roads. I could have said no to the job, but I thought that was to take my fear to far!
ok, so my fear is crazzyyy…. i am deathly afraid of the following:
~ itchiness
~ bugs… any kind…it puts me into a rage
~ feet
~ lice… this must be one of the worst
~ germs
~ stench
~ oily hands, skin, hair, or anything touching me
~ birds
~ axe murderers or being murdured with an axe
~ the noise people make when chewing.
I SPEND MOST TIME IN MY HOUSE but yes i do have a life…and i often find myself anxious about these things. i do see a therapist..but i thought i might share because it said irrational..and these are all pretty irrational to me and certainly people around me.