I had an argument with my son this week. Actually I argued, he remained the ever rational one.
In the context of this blog, the only important part about the argument is what I realized from it. I’m no longer willing to apologize for having emotions. I am a good person who is emotional and I am tired of feeling like a bad person because I am not calm all the time, nor perfect.
Agreed I shouldn’t curse; I shouldn’t scream; I shouldn’t throw things; I shouldn’t name call; and I shouldn’t get physical.
No Apologies
I’ve been criticized most of my life for being a highly sensitive person and for being emotional. And I bought into that criticism hook, line and sinker, thinking I was wrong for letting things upset me and for – god forbid – showing my emotions.
No more. I’m done with feeling or thinking badly about myself for who I am.
If my tone of voice changes, so be it. If I get louder because emotions are coursing through my body, so be it. I know I shouldn’t scream at someone but a change in tone and timbre does not equate to screaming.
No more apologies for getting tears in my eyes or having tears run down my face. If anyone thinks (or, perhaps, feels) that they don’t want to bring something up because I might get upset, it’s their difficulty with dealing with conflict and emotions, not my problem for displaying emotions. I never asked, nor expected, anyone to not be candid with me or give me feedback because it might bother me. I’ll deal with it. Admittedly, I have a harder time with feedback from my family; there’s more baggage, triggers and intricacies there.
Keeping A Beach Ball Under Water
I’ve learned that my trying to quell my emotions and who I really am, is like trying to hold a beach ball under water. After awhile the pressure for release is so great that the ball comes shooting out of the water at tremendous speed. Letting out my feelings on a regular basis and not mindlessly following a bunch of “shoulds”, reduces the pressure and, therefore, their velocity.
I’ve experienced double standards in my lifetime. The very people who tell me I get upset also get upset but manifest it differently and therein lies the rub. The way they manifest their emotions – because they too have emotions, sure as shooting – is not necessarily superior to the way I manifest mine.
Bottom Line For Me
No more guilt about who I am. No more believing that showing emotions is negative. No more apologies for feeling the way I do.
My sensitive nature makes me a powerful player in this world.
My emotions rock.
I’m 62 and I’ve come of age.
I would love to get to know you! Join me on 
Such a great piece!
I know what you are talking about.
The only reason (I think) that I would try to stay calm is that the message sometimes disappears when I am shouting, and the issue is now about me shouting and not about what I was trying to say. People tend to listen better when I am calm and assertive.
But man that is hard at times!
Irene,
I agree with you and know what you wrote is true. I also am not an automaton so you will know I’m upset (that seems real to me vs. this planned very calm voice) and it doesn’t have to mean shouting.
I can hear other people’s messages when they’re displaying emotions, perhaps because I’m comfortable with emotions. I don’t know. But to use my feelings or responses to things for a choice you’re making is really not about me.
Oh, this is a tough subject for me and I have to watch my defensiveness. THANK YOU for stopping by Irene. I always appreciate your comments. Cherry
Not to worry. I can hear you! And I do believe you have a good point. Struggling with this myself. Turning 55 in a couple of weeks, could be a good time for me to stop worrying about what others think about my sensitivity.
This post rocks! I think that emotions are under-rated. I really did not like working in the corporate world b/c there were so many
invisible “man” rules. Maybe they were not really “man” rules but sure seemed like it to me. As in how to behave how to dress, what to talk about (football, football pools). I felt like I had to have my emotions under check at all times, geesh I found it hard. Working with ppl all the time now abt emotion, it is strange to me how many ppl are so out of touch with how they feel, how they separate their lives from their feelings. I feel troubled by the amount of people who look at me blankly and say I dont know when I ask them how do they feel? I am all for the feminine influence on our society, where families are truly put first, b/c it feels right. Right on, Cherry!!
Yeah Kathy. This post rocks. Emotions rock. Your comment rocks. You rock. I rock. It is definitely a rocking day. No more
boyman rules. :) cherrylol …we ROCK!
Cherry, I love that holding the beachball under water image and what the force of energy does when its released. This is a great emotional purging post, something we all need to do but sometimes can’t or won’t. Your testimony is liberating!
Dawn, the beachball image is a powerful one.
I’m glad my testimony is liberating. Cherry
Hey! I just did a video blog that got to this the other day….the first part is about how we create and then I get passionate and start to apologize and realize what I’m doing. You can check it out here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ_5jqlirXQ&feature=youtu.be
It was a big deal to realize that I was about to apologize for being passionate about something. Crazy.
Thanks for your post!
I’m glad you liked the post Kerri. I watched your video, and as you said, you had the same discussion with yourself that I did.
I agree completely with your line “No apologies in 2012 for things I’m not sorry for.” I think saying you’re sorry becomes automatic – habituated. It also is used to mean different things than an actually apology and I think that can be confusing to people.
Keep up your music and your thinking. Cherry
Cherry–
You are such a powerful writer–loving the confidence and decisiveness.
You know, there comes a time when we have to be realistic with ourselves and not try to conform to something that our central nervous system is not…For myriad reasons, we are wired a certain way. Your post reminded me of a conversation with a colleague years ago…we were lamenting our impatience and outspokenness–”I wish I could be like Martha–she would never respond like this…” is what my colleague said. After reflection I responded, “Oh yeah, I wish I could be like her, too. But yeah know what? The world needs people like us who speak their minds.”
As you mentioned, as long as you don’t resort to nastiness or emotional exploitation, you are who you are. No apologies and no need to explain.
Thanks Linda.
The world definitely needs people who speak their mind, just as the world needs other types of personalities as well.
Passion rules! Great post Cherry!
Thanks Kelly, glad to hear from you. Cherry
What a great piece Cherry! To agree/argue Kathy’s point, more men should read this and subscribe to your attitude! Emotions ARE. We should embrace recognize them, embrace them, be free to feel them, and express them. To often we subscribe “good” or “bad” labels to emotion because of the way people act when they feel a particular emotion – but, again, emotions just ARE; it’s the resulting behavior that can negatively or positively impact those around us.
Unfortunately for us guys, when we are primarily taught/learn ANGER and an angry response, we begin to assume all emotion is “bad”… But if we learn to express a full range of emotion, we can learn to be healthier individuals.
Great point Dan: “Too often we subscribe “good” or “bad” labels to emotion because of the way people act when they feel a particular emotion – but, again, emotions just ARE; it’s the resulting behavior that can negatively or positively impact those around us.”
I want to add or repeat that the impact on others is often based on how they deal with emotions in their own lives. Or that they feel they’re supposed to fix the feelings that someone else has.
The gender issue and emotions, well that’s a huge topic in and of itself. :) Cherry
Oh, Cherry. I love this – and you. When I read this line: “My sensitive nature makes me a powerful player in this world,” I thought, at first, that it said, “My sensitive nature makes me a powerful PRAYER in this world.” Which I have to say here, you are. You are a powerful prayer in the world; a prayer for the very gift you bring. Your honesty, integrity and determination are an inspiration.
I’m so glad you feel that way Amy.
Wow, a powerful prayer in the world. I want to reflect on that. It feels like a gentle whisper of wind that gently touches all.
Mwah & hearts and flowers, Cherry